I just got back from Las Vegas not even eighteen hours ago. We went with another couple. For my husband and I, it was a celebration of our twentieth wedding anniversary. We slept little. The three hour time zone changes didn't help but as the saying goes, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". Besides, that isn't what this story is about.
The same day my plane landed from a red eye flight and I arrived home, I felt like the walking dead. That was until 8:30 pm when a second wind sent me into overdrive. I knew I needed sleep, morning obligations would arrive too fast. I was determined to unwind. I read a little then dozed off for ten minutes while lying on the sofa around 11:30 pm. I woke intending to stagger to bed. That was when I spotted him, GODZILLA SPIDER: aka the black dot on the pic. I know he doesn't look like much because his legs are all tucked in but he is a big...and fat...and fast!
And he was blocking my path!
After a gymnastic-like move over the back of the sofa, I found the perfect use for my old telephone books. I had considered recycling them because, hey, the internet worked just fine for my telephone informational needs. Armed with the thicker of two telephone books, I crept closer to Godzilly. He dashed under the sofa. Damnit! Luckily, he came out the other end, leaving the perfect shot for me. I threw the book at him again. Grr! He darted again. Did I mention he was fast? Heart pounding and cursing loud enough to wake the sleeping house, I whipped the book at him. He once again ran. Well crap! On my third attempted, after a stare down of wills, the book landed on him. In stocking feet, I leaped on the book and stomped. I added a second book, stomped, and twisted as if doing the jig. Gingerly, I nudged the telephone books aside. Godzilly darted. WTH!?! I grabbed the nearby dictionary and slammed the books spine on the spider until I heard a splat. He curled and finally, thankfully stilled. *Note the above picture.*
I inhaled a deep breath. I was wide awake, staring at Godzilly's carcass. I decided to leave him for my husband to clean up in the morning. What? Don't roll your eyes at me. You can't expect me to have that kind of energy.
Now what? Feeling pressure in my bladder, I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. I came back and grabbed my Kindle. Hand outstretched for the sofa's armrest with my eyes traveling toward Godzilly's remains, I froze. WTH!?! Godzilla spider must have nine freakin' lives! And he is trying to give me a heart attack.
If he had been outside, I wouldn't have tried to kill him with telephone books or a thick dictionary. In fact I would have left him alone. Spiders keep the bug population down. I knew this but was different. He entered my house, my domain, where I ate and slept. What if he crawled in my mouth while I snored on that sofa? The repulsive thought sent shivers over my arms.
This was war!
I became the incredible hawk. Chairs went flying. Then I spotted him. I wasn't wasting time with books this time. No, my weapon of choice was death by spray. I aimed and didn't stop until Godzilly and the area was covered in a thick, white foam.
Godzilly lifted a leg and then stiffened. Three hours later I stumbled up to bed without a creepy crawler crossing my dreams.
My son walked passed, saying deadpan, "He's already dead. Gram sprayed him before you woke up.'
Well, I thought, I guess leaving carcasses runs in the family.
If you enjoyed my nonfiction story, you might like my fiction short story called "The Spider Whisperer". It is based loosely on my fears and the huge wolf spiders that are common for my area. You can read "The Spider Whisperer" as well as other great stories in the anthology, Dark Light.
Sweet dreams my luvs... Mwhahaha!